


Splatoon: Blood Ink

by FizzyCorrupts



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Scary Creepypasta, Wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCorrupts/pseuds/FizzyCorrupts
Summary: This is a mistake.





	Splatoon: Blood Ink

I remember when I got my Wii U. I used to play on it all the time, until it happened. The library dried up, so I stopped playing on it. Then I bought a Nintendo Switch at a gamestop. The Nintendo Switch was cheaper than normal, it was only $250 instead of $300. That was because it was on sale you fucko. Listen, I know a bargain when I see one. So fuck you. Then I realized I hadn’t bought any games for it. 

That’s why I went to Back Alley Jed, the old man who sells video games in the back alley. That’s not why he’s called Back Alley Jed. Not even Jeff. Maybe Jeff knows. So Jed looked me in the eyes and held up a Switch game case. It had the title “Splatoon: Blood Ink” written on it in black marker. Oh wow. What a bargain. It was only tree fitty. Nice.

“Hello my good sir, may I please purchase this game for my own consumption?” I asked Back Alley Jed.

“No.” He responded. So I shot him. I then took the game home, eating a gum. It was a tasty gum. Very gummy.

But enough about gum. I got home and found a crime scene at my house. My mother and father had been murdered by the local serial killer Fuckboi Jerry. Woohoo. I was alone to play my new game now. That’s just how it be.

So I went up to my Nintendo Switch, opened the game case and put the cartridge in. The cartridge smelled like fried shrimp. Or maybe that was my dad’s corpse. Who knows. I turned on my Nintendo Switch and readied myself for a squiderific adventure.

The game started and it showed a view of Inkopolis Square. But the sky was red. And there was blood on the buildings. And the crab eating cereal on one of the screens was eating intestines. Must have been a glitch. Wow Nintendo, quality control, much?

I pressed the shoulder buttons and it zoomed in on the news screen. Instead of the normal intro, the words on the screen said “Suffer and die” in perfect English. Wowie zowie, what a glitch! I couldn’t believe a game could come out in a state like this. Nintendo sucks. Not really, I love you mama.

Pearl was dead. Marina was dead. They were alive. Just like me. Oh boy, I could feel pleasure coursing through my humanoid skin suit. It was that day of the month. He tingled with excitement. Wait why was that sentence in third person? This is first person, dammit!

“Marina, my legs feel like legs.” Pearl said. “Oh no I can’t feel my mouth.” She vomited up her organs.

“Yeet.” Marina responded. She gave a thumbs up then slowly faded out of existence. Wow, this game was really next gen. This was a grand new form of storytelling.

“Welcome to Inkopolis.” Crusty Sean said, the camera zooming in on him. When the camera panned closer, the smell of fried shrimp intensified. Wow, the next steps into Virtual Reality were here. Crusty Sean smelled like Crusty Sean. Just like it should be. “You are here for a reason. Turn the game off!” Sean demanded. 

“No.” I said. I thought this was some new form of immersive gaming technology, so I realized it was probably some sort of reverse psychology.

“Wait no, the chainsaw killer is outside your-” Crusty Sean went silent as the camera panned away to the rest of the square. I was playing as an Inkling. He was wearing the Stealth Goggles, the Black Inky Rider, and the Flipper Floppers. I decided to deem my Inkling the Fashion Disaster. Or Fuckboi for short. Nah wait. That’s not good. Let’s call him uh...Brenda? No. Graham? No. Browning? No. Billy-Bob Thornton? No.

Wait! I know! I can call him Turner. Like Timmy from the show Kinda Cool God-People. On Frickelodeon. The only channel for cool boys like me, aged 29 and up. 

I moved Turner over to the weird kimono lady. I didn’t actually play Splatoon 1. So I didn’t know who she was. She didn’t go into the grate like she did in the videos I saw online. She started speaking to me.

“Ey yo fucker, what’s up?” She asked. I contemplated answering with my own mouth, but instead I answered with my spleen. My body gurgled loudly. “...That was creepy.” She responded. 

“Who are you?” Turner asked, speaking on his own.

“I’m Marie Cuttlefish, of the New Squidbeak Splatoon.”

“Why are you here?”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh.”

That’s when the blood started. It leaked out of my nearby VCR, and the cries of a small child escaped from it. God dammit, Billy, not again. That kid always going in my VCR and turning to meat chunks! Why can’t I just play my fuck games in peace? Erotica.

So Marie sank into the grate like she should. I went in after her. When I rose up at my next destination, I was in a slaughterhouse. Huh. I don’t remember hearing about this being in Splatoon 2. Must be a new stage added in an update. I quit the game and decided to check the version. It was Version 6.66. Satanic. Just like my dad.

“Right dad?” I said to his corpse.

“Of course, son.” He responded.

So I started the game back up. I was back in the slaughterhouse. But this time Marie was there wearing her Splatoon 1 outfit. I think. I don’t fucking know. I didn’t play Splatoon 1. As I fucking said earlier. Pay the fuck attention. Or you’ll be expelled. Like meat.

“I am here to bring about your greatest fantasies.” Turner screeched.

“Ew.” Marie responded. She took out a gun and shot Turner. Turner dieded. The game restarted, and suddenly I was playing as a new Inkling. I’ll call him Funk. That was my grandpa’s name. Before the war anyway.

“Please turn the fucking game off.” Crusty Sean yelled, the camera panning to him once again. “The chainsaw killer is coming! You have to get away from-”

The camera panned away from him. It moved to a new character I had never seen before.

“Howdy, my name is Walken.” The shoe said. He was a shoe. “Keep the game running. The shoe uttered.” The shoe uttered.

“Yeehaw.” Funk yelled. The shoe took out a gun and shot him. “Yee...haw…” Funk whispered as he died. He died as he lived.

“Yeehaw.” My mom said.

The game started again. The camera panned to Crusty Sean, who had a chainsaw in his face. Wow, that’s a bizarre glitch. Never seen anything like that before. Not even in my dirty magazines.

The camera panned over to the shoe again. He smiled and laughed at my new Inkling, who I’ve chosen to call Dick McHuge. I expected him to die very fast.

“Hi there Dick McHuge.” The shoe said. Woah, how did he know Dick’s name? I didn’t just type it in on a name entry screen or anything. Brb, egg time.

Okay, back from egg time. I’m eating a salted egg. It tastes like me. 

“Who are you?” Dick asked.

“I’m you from the future.” The shoe screamed. Suddenly a giant squid fetus climbed out of the shoe, writhing and making sloppy meat mouth noises.

“Oh no.” Dick whispered. He was then eaten by the fetus, who grew into an exact clone of Dick and became my playable character. Wowie.

Dick Jr. rushed to the grate and dived in. He clawed his way out of the other end, covered in amniotic fluid. He was screaming. Marie looked terrified.

“I am hungry for meat.” Dick screamed, tackling Marie and swallowing her whole, like his mother taught him. “Nobody will understand my pain!” He yelled with violence and pulled away Marie’s gun and shot himself.

Then my Switch suddenly grew arms and legs. It climbed out of the dock.

“Hello, it’s me. The ghost of your deceased brother Charles.” The Switch said.

“I’m an only child.” I responded.

“Oh. Wrong house.” My Switch vanished.

The End.


End file.
